Today has been a very challenging day. I think we both have cabin fever. Yet neither of us wants to take the initiative to get out and do something solo. In fact, twice this week I’ve left so he could have a few hours alone, and he hasn’t exchanged the favor.
And this is truly how the day has been. Me saying, “you haven’t done this” or “why didn’t you do that?” and truly feeling as though life just isn’t fair. And I can’t say he’s been any better.
I know it’s a challenge being in the same space with someone long term. Especially a space that’s really only one room (the outdoor bathroom doesn’t count as a second room I’m afraid).
But specifically today I was suspicious of something (frankly I still am) because instead of just playing his games online & reading the current news, he chopped wood into tiny pieces of kindling for almost 45 minutes. Then he brought wood in, and then went back out and chopped more wood again 2 hours later. He re-arranged things in the loft & then tried to “shove me” up there with my laptop (I, of course, took offense. I don’t like being forced to do anything – even when it’s benign).
Plus, he dug a whole for that sweet deer that passed away under the tree, and buried her. Without telling me. Just went out and shoveled, had a private little ceremony by himself, and buried her.
And so my suspicion continues. My red flags are raised. It’s probably nothing… a friend sent him a facebook message that’s got under his skin, or an employer. Or maybe he saw his bank balance – I seriously don’t know. But something feels ‘off’ and the more strangeness there is the in the day the more I crave balance and the familiar.
Nothing is familiar here ~ including the chocolate cake I’m attempting to bake in a toaster oven, or the fire in the fireplace that keeps going out.